Wade Controlling Team From His Bulbous Head

Bunt, I tell you!
.

Ed Wade, not satisfied with simply signing mediocre relievers and putting a positive spin on his 15-21 team, has begun controlling the team with his brain.

"It's actually easier on us to not have to think about what we're doing. Ed does it all for us," said right fielder Bobby Abreu. "Hell, his brain has allowed me to hit five home runs in five games."

Unfortunately, Wade has had less success with most other players. His worst mind-control subject was Tim Worrell, who didn't get the memo about the switchover. "He thought he was going crazy, and put himself on the disabled list," said Wade. *

The lack of Phillies success can be blamed on Wade's unathletic mind, said one baseball expert. "He simply does not have the capacity to think like a good baseball player, or a good general manager for that matter," said one scout.

In other news, visit www.fireedwade.com and vote in their poll, "Should the Phillies fire Ed Wade?"

Why do only 94 percent of the people on that site want to fire him? How much time does Wade spend on the net voting "no"?

*This is actually true.