10,000 fans per game is a weighty number to lose in one year. Where did they all go?
Phreakin' Phils did some research. Here are the exact locations of the missing Phillies fans:
-> 3,500 moved to Atlanta, so they could know the joy of living in a city with a playoff-bound team.
-> 1,500 are protesting the dismissal of Bowa.
-> 1,000 stay away from Phillies games under doctor's orders to avoid severe depression.
-> 800 are homebound and morbidly obese after overindulging in a summer full of Schmitters last season.
-> 750 are still pissed about the strike of 1994.
-> 250 are still pissed about the strike of 1981.
-> 200 hate losing.
-> 150 members of Burrell's fan club are currently birthing his children.
-> 150 miss each game because the SEPTA bus never showed.
-> 100 are in jail after attacking Ed Wade.
-> The rest are Pachygrapsus Marmoratus, a species of depressed crabs which can only walk sideways, and therefore most cannot get to the stadium.
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5 comments:
Some Phillies fans are still exactly where they were when the eagles lost the bowl.
Wade; We need your help to bring back the fans! Think outside the Batter's Box! What sort of come-ons will fill the place? How about Senior Citizens Stroll The Bases during Phillies at bats? Ducky Tours "Quacker" Giveaway Night? Jim Thome and Andy Reid in tights doing tap dance during seventh inning S-T-R-E-T-C-H ?
If they have a quacker giveaway night, I am leaving the country ASAP. Although, I think Thome tapping in tights would be far more amusing than watching his pathetic play so far!
Hi there Wade Bloggs, I had been out looking for some new information on cure obesity when I found your site and this post. Though not just what I was searching for, it drew my attention. An interesting post and I thank you for it.
www.2jump2.com/x.php?a3 I Know what I Like, and I like it, Have a Laugh on me
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