Carnage!

Braves scoring on Phils ... again.

The Phillies beat Atlanta in the '93 LCS. The Braves responded by moving into the National League Eastern Division and beating the Phillies every year since.

This year, the Braves are tied for first. The Phillies are in last.

We thought the Braves were down for the count a few years back, when we took semi-ace Kevin Millwood from them for pudgy prospect Johnny Estrada. Millwood is now on Cleveland's DL with a groin pull. Estrada is now a perennial all-star candidate with the Braves.

The Phils start a three-game set against Atlanta tonight, facing one of the most dominant pitchers of our time, John Smoltz. We are sending mediocre journeyman Cory Lidle to the mound to try and beat him.

This glass isn't half full or half empty. It's shattered. Our hopes for a win tonight have leaked out onto the floor, down the drain, into the sewer. We have about as much chance winning this game as Randy Johnson has of ending up on the list of People Magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People. Not that he cares, really. He would be just as happy to end up on Bizarre Magazine's list of 50 Most Ostrich-Like Human Beings.

But back to the game. The Braves are going to pummel the Phils tonight. They will jump on their backs and ride them around the field, whipping them and pulling their underwear over their heads. Bobby Cox will poke Charlie Manuel with a pool stick. If the Phillies had bra straps, the Braves would snap them.

Each tomahawk chop from every Braves fan will slice a bit of the soul of every Phillies fan watching. Remember Custer's last stand? This game will have ten times the carnage. The Braves are better than the Phillies on paper, in person, even on the cellular level. Chipper and Andruw Jones alone could beat us.

Too negative?

Go ahead, Phillies. Prove me wrong. Be Brave.