Take Me to Your Lieber

Pope Jon?

I was wrong about Jon Lieber. At some point after the Phillies signed him, I refrerred to him as an older, frailer Eric Milton. Man, was I wrong. Lieber's been impressive in every start, and has led a staff of Spring training question marks to seven quality starts in 12 tries. He's had three starts, and accounted for three of the Phillies six wins.

In these times of uncertainty and popelessness, we need a Leader who can inspire - Myers has been great too, and he credits Lieber with showing him how to pitch more economically and challenge hitters.

And so, I propose that since Lieber pitches just once every five games, the papal commission consider Lieber for Pope. He's strong, consistent, wise, and is already named Jon. John Paul II was respected by millions, but could he pitch eight innings with only 75 pitches? Even with God on his side, the Pope was old and frail and would have had to rely too much on his breaking stuff to be effective.

In the offseason, Lieber could train at the Vatican and travel the world, spreading his message of hope and consistency. He is a modern-day prophet - he knows it's not how hard you throw, but how accurately. Take his quote after his most recent masterpiece: “I don’t try to get hitters out, I let them get themselves out.” How freaking noble is that! And yes, we have all sinned: Lieber is a former Yankee, for chrissake.

Also, Lieber could provide moral leadership and advance the cloning issue so Catholic Phillies fans can embrace it. Who wouldn't want five Liebers in the starting rotation? We'd be 12-0! And, there would be five times the pope, too. It's a win, win, win, win, win situation.