Exclusive Interview: David Bell's Back

David Bell and His Back
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The Phillies are cruising along this week on a surge of Spring offense, but one cause for concern is David Bell's ailing back. It put him on the DL for much of 2003 and briefly in '04. He injured it again on the first day of workouts this year and has yet to play in a game. We caught up with David Bell's back while it was rehabbing in Florida.

Phreakin' Phils: Welcome, back.

David Bell's Back: Right. Like I haven't heard that one before.

PP: Sorry. Since you and David joined the Phillies three years ago, you've been quite a pain for him. Why don't you two get along?

DBB: Whoa. Stop talking so loud. Loud noises cause sprains.

PP: Loud noises?

DBB: And long vowel sounds.

PP: That's... weird.

DBB: That's why it hurts so much to lose.

PP: I see. Let's move on. What's your take on the steroid controversy?

DBB: I won't let David use 'em. I heard they would make me break out in acne.

PP: Do you think any of the other backs on this team are on the juice?

DBB: No, but I think Philly itself is full of 'roids.

PP: What makes you say that?

DBB: TastyKakes, man. There are growth hormones in the jelly and the frosting.

PP: How do you know that?

DBB: Have you seen this town? The people are huge!

PP: I think we're mostly just fat.

DBB: Don't disagree with me, man. It makes my ligaments tear.

PP: You're kind of brittle, aren't you.

DBB: Screw you, dude!! David! Get me out of here.

David Bell: Shut up, back! You are so freaking rude.

PP: You two have got some issues, huh?

DB: I am so sorry, man. Truth is, my back is a bit of an ass. We get along with each other about as well as Kalas and Wheeler.

PP: Oh.

DB: Listen, thanks for helping us out by starting this blog. Next time you're at the ballpark, get a hot dog or two on the house.

PP: Thanks!